Mother's Day was just yesterday. After church we went to a friends house and had a BBQ. While we were eating I asked the question... Why doesn't "New Chick" get along with "Baby's Momma"? First of all there are a lot of women out there that don't have a problem with their "Baby Daddy's" new girl. If you get along with your man's Baby's Momma (BM for short) good for you. If you don't I want to know why.
Here are some of my thoughts on the subject...
In some cases,BM doesn't like the new chick because that's who her man was messing around with in the first place. Normally that would seem like a good reason to hate, but you have to think about why your man was running around with that other girl. Obviously there was something wrong with your relationship to begin with and your beef should be with the man not the new chick. But some of you BMs are just mad because you still want that man even though he's already moved on. Why can't you let go. I mean who wants to be with somebody that don't want you. I really can't stand it when BM uses the kids to manipulate the father into doing things that causes problems in his new relationship. Most of us guys are going to come running if it has something to do with our kids and although we know BM may have ulterior motives we can't take that chance. Sometimes they have legitimate reasons, other times they just want to get us over there so they can try to seduce us.
However, "New Chick" you're a woman too, and you know that the man didn't always treat his BM with respect. Now she's trying to raise both of their kids by herself and no matter how much money he gives her or how many weekends they spend at dad's house, she still has to deal with the day to day issues that go along with raising a child. So you can probably understand why she holds a grudge. I would really like to get a response from "Baby's Momma" and "New Chick". "Baby's Daddy" I suggest you stay out of this one.
I had an issue with "baby momma" when she did take advantage of the situation and ask him to do things for her that were above and beyond the scope of the relationship. Him coming over to "fix" her computer, to "fix" her car, to do this and that. If he didn't do these things, she wouldn't let him see his son.
ReplyDeleteThis caused stress on our relationship because I felt that she would say "jump" and he would say "how fucking high, and I don't care if this is something that will interfere with the current relationship."
She did not want to break up with him in the first place, and I think she still wanted him back.
She was one of the causes in our relationship not working. She interfered in our relationship because she would say "you can have your son TODAY!", at the last minute, and he would never ever say no. It didn't matter if we had plans without children or not. He was too afraid to say no to her. To anything.
I hear what you are saying and I think this goes both ways... I am a easy going person and I am mature enough to move on when a relationship Iam in ends (baby or not)... I have had more problems with the baby daddy and new boyfriend not getting along or quietly hatin on each other which causes problems for me... Or my FAVORITE new boyfriend is jealous of the baby daddy because you have a kid with them so for that reason you will always want to be with them?!... wtf?... If I still wanted to be with my baby daddy I would just be with him... Blah, SO STUPID!... I thought we were all suppose to be adults here?!...
ReplyDeleteSo, I just want to point out that new men and baby daddy's can be just as much trouble for a woman as the new girl and the baby mama...
Thank you Jess, I think that you are so right. Part of the problems that occur are from the baby daddy's it all boils down to hurt feelings, fears and low self esteems.
ReplyDeleteIf you are in a serious relationship and it comes to an end, especially due to a betrayal then it takes time to heal, even the most sensible and strong woman or man can crumble.
When it comes to love and emotions its funny how people react. The one thing my girls and I always say is that they only do what you allow them to. Meaning you have to set limitations not only in your relationship but in your break up.
Another thing you can keep blaming the baby momma and baby daddy all you want, the truth of the matter is if your boyfriend keeps going over fixing things, then you might want to question him, fact is if he didn't really want to be over there then he wouldn't.
We have to wake up and really look at ourselves, take responsibility for our own actions and take accountability and stop blaming things on other people. It's true, some people love drama, and have nothing better to do then to try to suck you in.
BUT you have the power to walk away. It's time for us to start thinking about the kids and not ourselves, how to raise the babies and be good parents.
AMEN Anonymous!... You said it PERFECTLY and I couldnt agree more!... :)
ReplyDeleteJust curious, Adrian why don't you ever comment in any of the conversations?
ReplyDeleteIt's really tough for a guy to say no to his "BM". I have another set of kids that I live with. My older kids aren't dumb, they know what's up. They watch the way I treat the new kids and compare that to the way I treat them. That's just human nature. Guys, we want our kids to see us as men. We also want them to know we will always be there for them. I grew up without a dad and we needed plenty of "ish" done around the house. My mom couldn't afford a lot of help. I would've loved to see my father come over and fix our car or show me how to fix it. (To this day I get robbed by mechanics). If his new family needed something fixed he would fix it.
ReplyDeleteYou ladies are dating and marrying a generation men that didn't have fathers around to teach us how to be fathers.
When BM calls we know it's about her, but we also know our kids perspective because we used to be them.
That said, the adults involved need to come together. As men we should lead by example. Here are a few easy steps to get you started.
1.Quit bad-mouthing BM to your new girl.
(That's who you chose to have kids with)
2.I know she did you wrong and it hurts.
(Grow a sack and get over it. Man up!)
3.If "New Chick" can't come with you, don't go.
(If it's really about the kids "BM" shouldn't have a problem with it and neither should you)
And Finally....
4.STOP HAVING SEX WITH YOUR BABY'S MOMMA!!!
As for you ladies you need to ween yourselves off the "Haterade" and find a way to get along for the kids sake.
So I am the new chick for the last 14 years...sometimes you don't like them because of the pain they have caused your man...sometimes you don't forget...We get along now and her son is my son and she knows that I would die for that kid, took a while to get there but we're good now, kind of...it's been a journey. Good question.
ReplyDeleteI have loved him from day one, she was pregnant when I got married, they met while we were on a break...things happen, he has always had four parents, it's normal for him. Time heals a lot of things, however you never forget some painful and hurtful moves by the other person.
ReplyDeleteIt's crazy how ones break and quick release, moment of lack in judgement can come and bite you for the rest of your life.
ReplyDeleteThe one important thing about relationships to remember is that no one is perfect, everyone has a past and everyone will make mistakes. I feel that it's important that we not only acknowledge our mistakes, but understand that WE are to be held responsible for our mistakes, including the after affects, no matter how minor or major they may be.
It's wild how life gives us these twist and turns, it's even more wild to see how we react and deal with these twists and turns. My ex-husband had an affair, I knew he was, I had every intent to move on, and not look back, but when it finally came out, it really wasn't that easy.
As I said my ex-husband, so as you can tell it did finally come to an end, the trials and tribulations that followed, the emotions, heartache and realizations of my relationship, his actions and even my actions that lead up to the affair was very hard to comprehend, sometimes your life has to end in order for it to begin.
It takes a person to mature and look within, in order to move on from an experience regardless if its an affair, loss or anything else that makes your life go upside down.
If you don't find the lesson, learn from the mistakes then the cycle will continue and you will never be able to move on. People say I would never, but you never know until you have the exact same thing happen to you.
Love is one of lifes greatest gifts, but it's not just given or without fault, the fact is that in order for a relationship to work, last and be loving, you have to treat it as a fulltime job.
I am the new girl, and I have been for the last 5 years. When me and my dude got together, he didn't get along with his BM or his x-wife, but I encouraged them to get over their grudges, and get on with it, cuz ultimately, it is the children that suffer. His BM is a B!@#$ plain and simple. She is really pretty, but always wears an ugly face. She basically moved away, took his son, and cut herself off. I feel sad for his son, because he is a great father, and his son is going to miss out. I don't think that she could deal with the fact that me and my dude are so close, and have so much in common. I think she knew that I wasn't going to be just "passing by" and it killed her. I told him to have a meeting with her to see if they could resolve their differences. He told me that she just kept complaining about how they were supposed to get back together, blah, blah, blah. On top of that, she lived in the same complex as my mom! How ironic. I guess it hurt her so bad, she had to move away.
ReplyDeleteMe and and X-Wife are cool. We don't hang out or anything, but we could if she lived here. We talk about their daughter, and I feel like their daughter is partially mine too. We've been together for 5 years, so we have all have a pretty good relationship with each other. She's always been respectful to me and the conversations that we have had have been great.
I can't stand a wenches who uses kids as ponds in a chess game. I would never do that. I think its disgusting.